Flowing.

One of my favourite things to do is absolutely nothing. To sit in nature and enjoy what is around me. Fully being. No movement, no talking. Usually sitting and immersing myself into what is happening in every moment.

Often, when I do this, I feel guilty. Thoughts come in saying “you can’t just be here and enjoy this” “people will think you’re weird - sitting here in the snow and relaxing and looking out onto the water.” These thoughts were in my mind. Accompanying these thoughts were some body sensations - tightness in my chest and jaw.

A person did actually walk by. Actually several groups of people. Once people noticed I was there they didn’t come any closer. One person came up to where I was sitting (to check out the piece of art I was leaning on). And she said she came by to look at it and I don’t have to move. She looked and continued on her way.

So, I actually didn’t experience anyone judge me for what I’m doing, except for me (with the thoughts that were coming in).

I let the thoughts be there and continued to enjoy the moment. When I got too cold from not moving in the snow, I got up and bathed in the sun and found a cafe to warm up in. I’m learning how to flow in my everyday life. Some days I feel like tearing out my hair because these thoughts drive me nuts. The more I work with them the more I notice that they’re not there all the time and they change.

It was so perfect, sitting there, taking in the winter scene, the sounds of footsteps on snow and river flowing.