The idea of what I think I want vs. The reality of what is here

I’m taking a walk near the place that I live. A voluntary walk is new to me. In the past I’ve done it for the purposes of my health and recovery. Because that was what I was told I needed to do. I convinced myself to do it. Today is different. I felt the call to go on a walk from deep inside me so I did.

My muscles are sore after a massage yesterday, I’m moving slowly, I feel so thirsty.

I had the idea that I was going to walk to Third Beach as I set out for my walk. That was my ‘goal.’ That’s about a 6km round trip. With a friend this feels effortless. Alone it feels like it goes on forever. I could feel every piece of my body. I can feel my heart beating and my lungs breathing. I can hear all the thoughts in my mind.

Part way through the walk, my body said ‘that’s it for right now.’ Before today I would power through and make it to Third Beach. Reach my goal. Not today. Today I sat down and listened to the silence and the low gurgles of water as they hit the rocks. I looked out into the ocean and the lightly snow powdered mountains and I breathed and stayed with myself. I trusted my body’s signal.

From experience, I already know I can reach my goals when I set my mind to them. I’m done overriding my body to reach external goals. The reality is is that my body is asking for light walking, rest, stretching, delicious food, and lots of water.

The reality is that today, this is as far as my body has energy to walk and it actually needs something else in this moment. The reality is is that this is the most important thing for me to tend to right now.

It’s not what I think I want right now, but it is true and my current reality.