The happenings of now.

There’s a lot happening in the world. I’ve sat with it to see what I want to write about and what I want to share from my experience.

For those of you who don’t know me, my roots are Ukrainian. All my grandparents immigrated from Ukraine/Europe to Canada, for a ‘better life.’ My dad and his siblings immigrated here when they were young. Some of my extended family members stayed in Europe and still live in Europe (not Ukraine).

It’s day 12 of the Ukrainian-Russian war. Innocent people are fighting and fleeing the country. Some are hiding out hoping that they will continue to live. Russian civilians are also struggling, fighting for their survival as their country and their resources are being cutoff from the rest of the world. In Canada there was some vandalism and bullying of the Russian people.

This isn’t a war of the people. This is a war of the governments, where people are getting injured. These people are standing for what they believe in and doing what they need to do to survive.

These past 12 days, I’ve been living in my home. With heat, running water, a comfy bed, food, steps to the ocean side. I am not in fear of loosing my life right now. I do not feel guilty continuing to live my life, while this is happening.

Even though I’m far away from Ukraine and the people there, I feel the pain they are enduring. I feel the deaths of the people. There are some acquaintances that live there. I met them when I visited in Ukraine in 2013. I don’t know if they are safe.

Everyday, I feel the weight of what’s happening in Ukraine. Sometimes I need to stop what I’m doing in my day and cry or take a nap or call a family member.

What is happening in Ukraine, is just one layer. Layered on top of what is happening in Canada. Where people cannot travel within their country without a special pass. This is the only country in the world that people cannot travel freely under order of their government. There is a lot of uncertainty of where this will lead. Will the government continue restricting access to things until 100% of residents comply, or continue to loose their livelihoods and be segregated from society? Is this the beginning of an increasingly controlling government? Will it go in the other direction and everyone will once again be treated as people and not as a medical status?

There’s also a personal layer that I’m navigating, with ongoing physical and emotional pain that affects my daily life.

Whenever I share with someone the entirety of what is happening in my world, immediate and in the periphery, they say ‘wow, that’s a lot’ and I agree, it is a lot. In my life it’s been ‘a lot’ for the entirety of it. There are always things moving and shifting and growing and evolving and I feel it all.

I used to power through and carry it all, but now I’m feeling it when it is here and letting it go when it shifts. So there are times in my day where I feel everything for what’s going on in the world, there are times when I’m feeling the pain in my body, there are times when I’m feeling joy and warmth, there are times I’m resting. And I allow the waves to come in and out. I give myself extra room to feel and sleep and do whatever else I need to do to take care of myself.

When there is this much to feel, this much heaviness around me, I take extra time, space and energy for myself. With everything that’s happening, all I can do right now is to support myself, so that when the time comes for me to support others, I will have the capability for it.

My heart, prayers, and thoughts are with every person that is greatly suffering right now. I’m sending all the love I have to all of these people.