Holding On.

Everything in my world was so shitty for a long while that when I did have moments of peace and joy I started to hold on to them. 

Clench onto them for dear life. 

Because I did not know if or when another one of those moments would come. 

This feels akin to holding my breath. 

As though I’m not sure when I’ll be able to take another breath so I’ll just hold onto this one. 

Not trusting that another one will come. 

Wanting to hold on to the experience of bliss. 

The unintended consequence I did not foresee was that holding onto these past moments of joy and bliss, took up space in the present moment. 

I actually can’t see, feel, and experience the joy, bliss, and peace in this moment, the present moment, because I’m too busy thinking about and holding onto the past moments. 

Now, I’m certain that revisiting pleasant moments, moments of peace, joy, bliss, love, is natural and welcomed. 

There is a difference between holding onto those moments as if they will never come again and reminiscing and enjoying the memories of those experiences and moments. 

Now, every time I feel myself holding on, I choose to breathe and let go and be in the present moment.

With much love,