Feeling big feelings and ‘negative’ feelings - sadness, despair, misery, anger, whatever else - is part of the human experience.

If you’re like me, you likely learned that feelings, especially ones labelled as ‘negative’ were bad or wrong or that you needed to look at them a different way. 

Actually, humans go through a ton of life experiences that we need to process and feel, often before we have the skills to do so. So it’s likely that everyone has been through hard things and has felt really hard feelings to feel. 

I’m here to tell you that it is okay to feel those feelings. It is okay to feel the negative emotion. 

There’s no reason to change them or to avoid them. The way through them is to actually accept the feeling. 

You can take space for yourself if you want to or need to. You can take as much space as you want or need to process and feel through whatever is coming up. You don’t need to be in a therapist’s office for this. You can be at home, in your work bathroom, in a coffee shop, on a beach, on a hike, wherever. 

You can also feel these things, acknowledge them and continue to engage in the things that are important to you - whether this is working or taking care of your kids or cooking or cleaning or being at a party. 

How do you accept what your feeling? Acknowledge it. Feel it. Let it be. (Notice your reaction to it - are you running away? Soothing? Avoiding? Doing things to ignore it? Drinking alcohol? Indulging in it for too long?) 

The practice is simple, but it is far from easy. 

So why do we do it? Because the old way of dealing with emotions - suppressing, avoiding, bypassing - do not work any longer. 

The idea of regulating emotions and controlling them is outdated. When you feel emotions, you actually feel how it’s a fool’s errand to try to control it. The idea that we can control our emotions is laughable. Emotions are involuntary. They come and they go as they please. 

Sometimes something outside of us instigates the feeling. 

Sometimes we feel a lot inside that seemingly comes out of no where.

Let the emotions be. Feel them. Let them go. I promise, you will feel them again.

There may be many. There may be few. Let them be. 

Learning to feel emotions rather than bypass, avoid, or suppress, takes practice and time. 

Sometimes it involves working through old stuff that comes up that you didn’t even know was there. 

You can get support from a therapist or coach or family member or anyone you may feel would be helpful for you to talk to. I also want you to know you are capable of feeling your feelings and living life on your own. There’s no one right way of doing this - you are on your own journey of discovery and feeling is part of it. 

Disclaimer: I am not offering any medical advise. I share information based on my life experience and what I’ve been through. If you need medical attention please contact your physician, a loved one, or a crisis help line.