I thought that when the pain went away my entire life would bounce back.

That didn’t happen.

The pain didn’t just ‘go away.’ It was a process, longer than I liked it to be.

It took a lot of attention, patience, space, grace and support for me to get through what I was experiencing and feeling in my body.

My treatment plan was completely individualized.

I did so much of my healing on my own because people outside of me told me that I wouldn’t heal and that I would feel pain for the rest of my life.

That was simply not an option for me. I was in an unfathomable amount of pain.

I held it and almost no one outside of me saw it unless you were living with me. You could really see the impact if you were living with me.

There are a lot of parts and layers to this and I’m not going to get into all of them here.

What I am going to talk about is the spot I am in right now.

Which is the spot of coming out of pain. Coming to terms with how much I’ve changed and how much of my life has changed - in all the ways.

I am coming into a period of reflection, where I see how things used to be and where I am now. This is not about ‘comparison’ as much as it is about setting stakes in the ground of what was happening and what I was going through at different points in time in my life.

There’s so much coming up to share right now, that I feel I may need to write separate posts for this. But for now, I’ll share that my life hasn’t bounced back. I don’t feel completely renewed but I do feel a little more joy, pleasure, and spaciousness. I feel grateful for this entire journey and process.