Sometimes there’s nothing to do or fix.

Note: I wrote this on Feb. 19 but was too scared to post it. It feels like it needs to be out there so I’m posting it today. I’m learning.

Last week, I had a bump on my labia minora.

It was uncomfortable

It was swollen. 

It was painful. 

My first reaction was to panic

Was to look up the symptoms and find the answer

Call my doctor and ask about it

DO SOMETHING to FIX IT. 

Get rid of it

Make it better.

I’ve been reconnecting with my body 

I am getting to know it better and understand it’s rhythm

I understand what nourishes it and what drains it

I’ve gotten to know what each part of it feels like.

When I noticed the irritation and pain 

I immediately went to my head. 

Thinking about what to do with it.

As though it was a crisis and the whole world will end if I don’t figure this out.

Then I took a few breaths and brought my awareness down to my body,

To the aching part

I lay there 

Breathing

Resting

Being 

With my body.

With the part that was hurt and irritated.

The next morning the swelling was reduced

The pain reduced

I continue monitoring it just to make sure nothing is drastically wrong or changes suddenly

All there is to DO about it in this moment is to be with it.

I know my body heals ailments in 3, 5, and 7 days

I know that if the symptoms get worse to inquire more deeply and seek medical attention

I know that reading about the cancer and the diagnostics about what it may be, brings me out of my body and into my thoughts 

Those thoughts then trigger emotional distress in my body 

They make my problems worse.

Adding an additional layer of stress.

I know all there is to DO right now is to be 

To observe

To feel

To breathe

To wait

To let my body heal.